I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
