she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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