to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
