There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Randomize
