five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
