i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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