I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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