I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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