I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize