How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
