my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
