There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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