Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
