i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
