i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
