I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
