who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
