We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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