We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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