What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
