i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
