I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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