Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
