My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
