well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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