I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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