She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
