Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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