mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
