Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
