i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
