You surviving the open bar?
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
last night I used snow as a chaser
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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