I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I stole a fireplace last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
