We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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