girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
there is glitter all over my balls
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
