Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
