but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
