You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
