how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
