Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
