if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
