So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
