I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
