The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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