I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
