woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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