I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
