Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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