Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
