Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
