just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
