Already got asked if we're dating
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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