We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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