I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
