He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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