What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
